Modern Day Witch Hunt

Why is it that when we end a relationship our first reaction is to concentrate all of our energy on what went wrong? What made us angry, hurt, disappointed, enraged, depressed and even to the point of becoming vengeful? Why, as a human race, can't we see this ending for what it really is - a fresh start. An open door to new experiences, learned lessons and the ability to find someone who really will match up to who we are.

We let our anger consume us at the end, why? It's over now. No more need to argue, fight your battles, share your time and space with them. Why can't we just say, 'Whew! That was a rough, but now I'm moving forward into something so much better and healthier for me.' But no, we hang onto the rage and anger as if it's some kind of life line. This isn't who we are!

We may think we want to see our ex's as inherently evil beings, but they aren't. We are all inherently good people. We don't respond to well to anger and rage and hurt. We respond to kindness, compassion, friendship and respect. None of us are bad people. We may make bad decisions, but those decisions do not make up who and what we really are.

"It seems that human beings

have been hard wired through

the years to speak of, think about

and act on our pain far more than

we do our pleasure."

It seems that human beings have been hard wired through the years to speak of, think about and act on our pain far more than we do our pleasure. There's just something so wrong with this conclusion. I like to think that we are changing this...time will tell.

Reacting to pain makes our lives so much more difficult, but add children to the mix and you're harboring a storm that deep down none of us want to experience or see our children be forced to live through. But it again, it goes back to that hard wiring. It can be difficult to fight those urges, even when children are suffering because of it.

We will have people move in and out of our lives for eternity, some feel good, some don't. It can feel worse when the person was in an intimate relationship with you, but if they're no longer in that kind of relationship with you - it was for a reason and you probably feel better without that person there all the time if you will only take the time to consider that possibility.

"Harboring anger and resentment

only truly hurts the one harboring it -

not the one on the receiving end."

Harboring anger and resentment only truly hurts the one harboring it - not the one on the receiving end. But we find ourselves out to forcibly prove to the world how horrible this person was and continues to be. But that just isn't true. They may not have been the best mate for you, but that doesn't mean they'll be alone forever - nor will you remain alone and unattached for the rest of your life. Love is out there for everyone even if one or both of your royally screwed up in past relationships. Learn from them and keep moving forward. Don't waste your time and energy attacking the past, digging for dirt and keeping yourself in such a negative place. You suffer, the children suffer, everyone suffers. That is not how life is meant to be.

 

"We turn our past relationships into

modern day Witch hunts."

We turn our past relationships into modern day Witch hunts. We can spend hours of our day hunting and searching for some lost hidden secret about the other person, slandering and spewing venom at someone who is no longer there. But there must be something...anything that you can use to prove that you had no fault in any of this. Yeah right...

And it doesn't have to be strictly someone from a past intimate relationship: ex-lover's, ex-spouse's, ex-friend's, ex-coworker's, ex-boss's. There will be a never ending stream of ex's that leave your life, and we seem to believe that if they have left our life for any negative reason we have to shout to the world how bad it was. How horrible this person was to you. How you didn't deserve to be treated that way. Even if we were the one at fault. Why? Does is change what happened? Does it make the other person feel regret and sorrow at their supposed actions? Probably not. In fact, if they find out you've taken it upon yourself to inform the world of who you think they are they'll most likely do the exact same to you. And the cycle of anger continues... Well that's helpful. Don't we all just feel so much better now...yes - this is sarcasm.

"We need to break the cycle before it breaks us."

We need to break the cycle before it breaks us. It's disappointing that our culture talks of all the bad in the world and so little of the good. One day, I hope that this will be reversed. I think the world would be a much better place if this were true. We all need to take a deep breath, relax and take an honest look at the ex's in our lives. They aren't worth all the bashing and digging and spewing - they just aren't. And really, like attracts like. If this is what you are doing then guess what's going to be happening to you in the very near future? You got it. Call it karma, God's will, Nature, Law of Attraction - it's all the same thing. What we put out in this world returns to us. We need to keep this in our minds when in the process of an ending of something/someone in our lives.

Breaking this cycle can seem monumentally impossible when you are in the thick of one of these endings. But try to take more deep breaths, get more fresh air, talk less, listen more. Especially to those around you who are also in their own ending of a relationship. Just listen to what is going on, see the stress and anxiety it puts the person through, see how no matter what they say or do it never seems to get better. Now take a long hard look in a mirror and see if that person is also you. It isn't worth it.

I know it's hard to step back, but when you start watching others and seeing first hand how futile the entire episode is, it'll give you a very different perspective on your own ex's. For those on the receiving end of the digging and spewing - sure, maybe they get a little ticked at first but eventually it just turns into one big joke. Okay, what will so-and-so think of next? It becomes this waiting game to see what kind of stupidity they other person tries to fling at you. And then you laugh, which makes the other person even angrier, and they try harder...and on and on and on...

"We need to step away and stop engaging."

We need to step away and stop engaging. If this person is an ex, then they are in the past. Leave it there. There must be something in your life that is more interesting. Just turn your back and walk away. Life will be so much better and sweeter if you do. And if the ex can't stop their cycle, not your problem. You stopped yours and your life is better for it. You aren't responsible for theirs.

Raising Witchlings Series: Religious Freedom and Our Kids

"Don't be afraid to be open-minded, your brain isn't going to fall out." ~author unknown

Published on Examiner.com / October 20, 2013

We all want our children to be safe in this world. We go to great lengths to teach our children about looking both ways before crossing the street, not to talk to strangers, no running with scissors and holding the railings on stairwells among just a few. What parents who subscribe to one of the many Judeo-Christian religions do not have to worry about is their children's safety regarding their or their parents religious and spiritual beliefs. As Pagan parents, we do. It is unfortunate, but too many Pagan parents have to worry about their children possibly being bullied at school for their families religious beliefs. Too many have to worry about what their children will say in public. Not all communities are open to various faiths that do not follow the same tenants. Careers have been ruined over an individuals personal spiritual beliefs because of ignorance and fear of beliefs that seem foreign and wrong to others. And far worse, religious freedom is dragged into too many courts of law. Pagan parents can find themselves having to fight for their right to believe what is right for them and still be able to have access to their children.

Parents separate and divorce; leaving children to be fought over in a tug of war that hurts everyone involved. Most especially the children. It can be hard enough to be civil to one another during a divorce, but throw in religion and the courts are forced to make decisions they are ill equipped to make; nor does any judge want to have to make these kinds of decisions. Church and State are kept separate for good reason. But, when an angry parent feels justified in making their ex 'pay for what they've done to them', everyone must suffer.

Whether your major concerns involve the school systems, the workplace, your community or the court of law, you need to know what your rights are. Knowledge is power. Knowing what the laws are in your state/province is not only for your and your children's protection, but it can give parents confidence to stand strong against religious bigotry and persecution and a sense of ease regarding others outside of your immediate circle of friends and family knowing what you believe.

So, how do we protect our children?

Where to start? We are all probably fairly knowledgeable on the views of our communities. This can give us a look into what we may expect in the school systems. Some of us are comfortable with staying quiet, others are more than happy to stir the pot and announce to the world exactly who and what they are, and be damned their 'views'. But we're talking about the safety and emotional well-being of our children, so our personal views on how open we will be can change. Many Pagan parents look at private schools like Montessori for their children because such a large majority of schools are Christian or Catholic based. Just because the law may be on your side, the community or school board or work place can make being in their vicinity a living nightmare. How much are we willing to take? How much are we willing to put our children through?

Teaching our children about ignorance and fear in society.

Our children need to be taught that there are people in this world who do not understand Pagan beliefs. They see what is in the movies, or scary ghost stories and believe that is what we are. It scares them. We don't need to correct them, just let them be. We'll all take the approach with our children that we know will work best, but this is a discussion that cannot wait until after it happens. Preventative measures need to be taken. You'll feel better and your children will feel more confident in themselves as they move through their life.

Yes, those of us, the Pagan parents, see all of this as ridiculous. We see divinity within nature; now that's just frightening. We are proponents for gender equality in the mundane world and so it only makes sense that this equality would include our religious world. Where some see God and the Virgin Mary, we see God and the Goddess. Equal, partners, co-creators, balance. What a horrible thought. We teach to 'Harm None'. Wow, the audacity of Pagan parents. We teach that everyone has a right to their own religious and spiritual beliefs even if they contradict our own. How awful! Non-pagans think we hold scary rituals inciting demons and other such nonsense. We wear robes and have candles and incense.

So let's all take a trip to the nearest Catholic service and watch their priests in robes and funky pointed hats, with their gold staffs, chalices of wine and plates of cakes. Swinging their noxious incense around them, all the while chanting in Latin which I doubt anyone understands. For all we know their inciting damnation on the heads of everyone there.

Now let's flip through the pages of our old history textbooks and see where exactly our upstanding Catholic priests got their basic structure and means of dress for their services. Oh yes, here it is. From the Pagan faiths before them.

Yes, we Pagan parents are a scary lot. Celebrating the seasonal changes, seeing the divine in everything and teaching our children that they have more control over their life and environment than they may think. But there are those who feel justified in their religious persecution so it's best that we all know our rights.

Learn the laws in your area now rather than later.

Yes, we can still see and feel the absurdity of it all, but being prepared certainly won't hurt. Start with locating the laws in your area. These links will help you with the information you need:
Religious Freedom - US Department of State
Canada's Office of Religious Freedom
United Kingdom Rights and Policies on Religious Freedom
Ireland 2012 International Religious Freedom Report
Australian Human Rights Commission

If you are faced with family court and custody issues involving Pagan beliefs, the best resource is the Lady Liberty League. They specialize in Pagan rights and can assist you with resources and even legal council if deemed necessary.

So find out where you stand in the eyes of the law where you live. Just keep all of the information in a file in case you ever need to use or reference it. The hope is that we never have to use it, but if we do, it's there and ready for us. Be prepared to have it on hand for school boards, employers, community facilities, unions and the court of law. It never hurts to be overly prepared.

What if the attack comes from an ex?

Start with the rights in your state/province and contact the LLL. There have been custody cases that have ranged from Pagan parents divorcing, one has 'found God' and is going to use Paganism and Witchcraft to win custody of the children; to interfaith families that decide to use the others Pagan faith against them in family court; to nonreligious couples divorcing, one remarries a Pagan/Wiccan/Witch, and the ex is going to try to get the kids by using this in court.

The worst part of this entire situation is the pain that it causes the children. One parent is doing everything they can to limit the visitations with the other parent; justifying this with outrageous claims, persecuting the other based on religion. The children see it, and worse, they feel it.

It takes time and diligence, but it is possible to insure your rights and safety of your children. To be together as a family. To feel confident and secure within yourselves regardless of the mess others are making of their own lives.

So what can we do after all the legalities are taken care of or are in motion?

Pagans tend to have a fairly good understanding of what is now being called the 'Law of Attraction'. What we put out into the world will come back to us. We may not always feel it, but we really do have the ability to choose our emotions regardless of what others are doing.

Where our children are concerned, anything an ex does or says that implies your losing them in some way is hitting below the belt. We become very emotional very quickly, but we can calm this down. If we immediately react every time with anger, sadness, rage, hatred, a need for revenge - that's what we're putting out into the Universe. So those are the things that are going to come back to us. If you can find a way to remember that the emotions you put into your dealings with your ex will be the same ones that are returned to you, you can get a better perspective on the situation. Every time you respond with anger you are literally handing all of your power to another person. Why on earth would anyone want to willingly do that? Especially if that means you're handing your power over on a silver platter to your ex.

Some tips for keeping your negative emotions at bay:

• Deep breathing helps to release endorphins, the bodies natural feel-good painkillers in addition to increasing blood flow which allows you to be more focused; relieving anxiety and fear.
• Stop talking about it with everyone you see. Notice that when you speak about it, your emotions go right back to the place of anger. So stop it!
• Find ways of distracting yourself away from your negative emotions. Stay away from the news channel, friends and family who only want to complain or hear about how horrible your life may be at this moment. Read a good book, watch a comedy, play with your pet. Anything that will turn your emotions in a more positive direction.
• Go to sleep each night reviewing everything you are grateful for, you'll wake up in that same grateful mood.
• Slow down and enjoy what you have surrounding you in this very moment. If you can't be grateful for what you have right now, you can't draw more of it into your life.
• Meditate regularly. Meditation has been proven to help people with focus and highly emotional situations. It's one of the easiest ways to relax and get ourselves back on track.

Final words...

In this day and age and with so much information available regarding the numerous Pagan beliefs and religious systems one would think the ability to persecute someone for being Pagan would be long gone. This is certainly coming in the future, so in the mean time we Pagan parents need to know and understand our rights. We need to know how open we want our children to be and to be prepared to deal with the schools and community if needed. And we need to consider our role in the lives of any child who comes into our lives, either through our children's friends or step-children that join our families. Knowledge is power and the more we know the better prepared we will be in protecting our rights and those of our children. Brightest Blessings.


Published on Examiner.com / October 20, 2013 

the Witchy Writer

Finding Peace in Turmoil

Like finding the sun shining through in the midst of a storm, we all want to be able to find peace when we are facing turmoil in our lives. So we keep asking ourselves how we can find any kind of inner peace when a storm is raging within us. Our chests are tight and hurt, we become overly sensitive to everything and everyone. One minute we're crying and the next we are exploding over something small and usually meaningless. So how do we do it?

I've been asking myself this very question over the past few days. My husband has a daughter from his previous relationship. She is 3, and beautiful, and wonderful, and smart, and so many more things. I can already see the trouble she is going to cause us when she's a teenager, but I welcome it because I love her so very much. Well - and I already know all the teenage girl tricks because I used them all myself. And I'm going to thoroughly enjoy watching my husband's flustering frustrations as she becomes a young woman. It's going to be quite entertaining.

The turmoil however, is with my lovely step-daughter's mother. I suppose it isn't usual for women to like or get along with their ex's new wife, and I'm not expecting her to like me or my husband. What I do expect is that she control herself in front of her daughter. But she is very angry and upset over our marriage and has made it very obvious the she is unable to control her temper. And unfortunately she dragged her daughter outside with her in order to yell at my husband. I just watched as she looked around in despair. She started by hitting her mother over and over in the stomach trying to get her attention. But I look up and all she can do is flail her arms around with her eyes about to bug out of her head while she ignores her daughter completely to continue the tirade. The sadness in that little girls face absolutely broke my heart. We received texts from her throughout the night saying how her daughter was screaming and yelling; all in an attempt to make my husband feel bad. But she can't see it. My step-daughter is perfectly fine with us. We don't discuss her mother or show our anger or frustration with her immaturity in her presence. We expected the same from her mother, but that isn't happening. Why is she so angry when she is with her mother? Because she is insulting and yelling about her father in front of her. She screams and yells at her mother and grandparents because they can't control themselves around her. A 3 year old only has one response to listening to someone tear her father apart. She screams and yells, she throws tantrums, she isn't nice to anyone. But she doesn't do any of this with us. So that is what is currently going on. You can see why my level of frustration is high. But what to do about it.

Step One - identify what I don't want so I know what I do want. I don't want to ever see my step-daughter in that kind of pain again. So what I want is to know that she has peace and love in her life regardless of what her mother and grandparents are doing. I want her to know and feel that we all love her so very much. That it is okay that her mommy has a home and her daddy has a home. I want this with all of my being.

Step Two - let what I do want be known to the universe. This is the easy part. I know what I want, so the universe knows it also. I don't have to worry about it.

Step Three - allow the truth of what I want to manifest into my present reality. This is the harder part. It requires that I project and think about what I do want, not what I don't want. That's hard when we are constantly bombarded by my husband's ex and her immature and outrageously childish behavior. Sometimes I feel it just never ends, getting more and more out of control. But, it does that only because I'm not in the right state of mind. The more frustrated I get at her, the less I'm concentrating on my step-daughter's peace. I'm concentrating on her lack of peace. And as the Law of Attraction tells - we get more of what we think and feel. I feel frustration, so does my step-daughter.

Changing this pattern will not be easy, but is extremely important. I really really want my step-daughter to be at peace - so this is what I need to concentrate on. I have to FEEL with all of my being that she is in peace, that this is the only state of being she can be in. I cannot concentrate on what her mother is currently doing. This only brings more of what she is doing into being.

This holds true with anything we want in our lives. These steps can be put to anything. The point is that we decide how we want to feel and feel that way now before we are able to physically see the manifestation for ourselves. The universe hears and answers our requests, but if we turn around and feel the opposite the universe will hear that as well, manifesting what we don't want instead. It takes practice. Start with something small that is easy for you to feel good about right now - you'll see it manifest for you. The faster we are able to truly put ourselves into the good feeling place of already having, the faster the universe will deliver. Do the best that you can. Find things that you can redirect your energy towards that will keep you feeling good. Whether it is meditation, looking at pictures that make you feel happy and good, exercise, music, art, writing. It doesn't matter, just do it and you'll see.

So wish me luck as I give my step-daughter the best gift I can. Peace of mind, joy, laughter, love, family. And if you have a few moments, please send your good feeling intentions to this amazing and most deserving little girl. She is so worth it.

Blessed Be!
the Witchy Writer

This is a great video to watch that gives you wonderful information to take with you if you find yourself at the end of a relationship...especially if you have children.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TeJ9s7XmS4

Digging for Dirt in a Desert

Have you ever noticed yourself or others doing this? Trying to find something about someone else for no other reason than to prove to yourself how horrible the other person is. Usually we see this in ex's; which is what I'm currently in the process of watching. It seems that my step-daughter's mother is on a hunt to find something (anything) she can to use against my husband. The current tactic seems to be that my husband didn't get into a car accident (which he did), that he didn't go through the windshield (which he unfortunately did - but he is okay), and because my husband isn't on my car insurance (because I don't have coverage for anyone other than myself driving the car - $$$), that there is some kind of nefarious issues going on that she must uncover and reveal to the world. Well, maybe just to the court system so she can get sole custody.

It's sad really; to watch her hunting and digging, and hunting and digging. She's trying to find this elusive grain of sand within a desert that will give her the information she is hoping to get - so she can prove what a horrible man my husband is. Maybe she thinks it will make her feel better if she can find something. Maybe she wants to show the world that she isn't the reason that the two of them are no longer together. Regardless, I'm watching this and its really, really sad. I see her working herself up on figments of her imagination and my husband becoming more and more angry and resentful towards his ex. How does this benefit anyone? How is this doing what is best for my precious 3 year old step-daughter? My husband wasn't even one of those dead-beat dads we all hear about or see in our own lives. He's been there since day one, been a stay-at-home dad for the past 2 years. But his ex is trying to portray him to the courts as if he were one of those dead-beat dads that we as mothers just want to take a baseball bat to.

I completely realize that my husband had a hand in breaking up their relationship...just as I had a hand in breaking up my first marriage. Like we are told time and time again, it takes 2 to make it work, and 2 to break it apart. It happens. But hopefully we can learn from it and move on to other relationships with more information. Clearer heads. A better idea of what we do and do not want from ourselves as well as a partner.

One thing I have learned regarding my own broken relationships is that dwelling on the would'ves, should'ves, could'ves, if only's, how could he, that SOB, I hope he rots in ________, fill in the blank with what ever expletive you want, is pointless. It is a complete waste of our time and utterly destructive to our inner peace and hope's of having a positive, loving relationship in the future.

As a Witch we try to live as best we can within the natural laws of nature. Our rule, or version of the 10 commandments as it were, we call our Rede: 'An it harm none, do as thou will'. This rule also applies to ourselves. Continuing in day after day of negative thinking is extremely harmful to ourselves. We know that the mental projections (thoughts) that we release into the universe, will eventually come back to us. People call this by many names: Karma, Law of Nature, Law of Attraction, Will of God are only a few. But regardless of the name you use, the premise is the same. What ever you do/say/think will come back at you at some point. I for one want to try to minimize the negative backlash as much as possible.

But as human beings, we know that we can't stop every negative thought or emotion from forming. It just isn't possible. But we can recognize when we start these negative thoughts and actively do something to calm ourselves down, regroup, and let our thoughts flow in a more positive direction. This insures that even though the negative emotion/thought started - we didn't allow it to build momentum to the point where it goes out of our control. Some people do this with deep breathing, meditation, working out, taking long walks, listening to music or yoga. Really it's anything that makes you FEEL better. And feel is the operative word here.

How we feel tells us whether we are heading into a good place or bad place. If we feel crummy, sad, depressed, angry, hurt (add in any negative emotion you want), then we need to stop the second we recognize it and do what we need to, to regroup and move into the positive. We aren't hurting the other person by fuming about them, we hurt ourselves. And at the end of the day, we have to live with ourselves - not the other person.

I hope that my husband's ex figures this out soon. I hope she realizes how detrimental all of this digging and fighting and lashing out is to herself and unfortunately to her daughter as well. She's told my husband that their daughter is having some severe separation anxieties. She thinks that this is something she can throw in my husbands face to make him feel bad. But what she doesn't see at all is that my step-daughter is having a hard time with the separations because she gets to see her father so infrequently. She doesn't realize that she is the ultimate cause of her daughter's separation anxieties. I hope that she starts seeing the truth soon. I may not like her, or ever want to be close to her - but I don't wish her ill. I don't want her to hurt. I don't want her to suffer. I want her to learn from this and move on to something more positive in her life. She can be happy in her life and not feel constant anger and resentment every time she thinks of my husband, but she is the only one who can make that happen. I hope she does.

Blessed Be!
the Witchy Writer