Have you ever noticed yourself or others doing this? Trying to find something about someone else for no other reason than to prove to yourself how horrible the other person is. Usually we see this in ex's; which is what I'm currently in the process of watching. It seems that my step-daughter's mother is on a hunt to find something (anything) she can to use against my husband. The current tactic seems to be that my husband didn't get into a car accident (which he did), that he didn't go through the windshield (which he unfortunately did - but he is okay), and because my husband isn't on my car insurance (because I don't have coverage for anyone other than myself driving the car - $$$), that there is some kind of nefarious issues going on that she must uncover and reveal to the world. Well, maybe just to the court system so she can get sole custody.
It's sad really; to watch her hunting and digging, and hunting and digging. She's trying to find this elusive grain of sand within a desert that will give her the information she is hoping to get - so she can prove what a horrible man my husband is. Maybe she thinks it will make her feel better if she can find something. Maybe she wants to show the world that she isn't the reason that the two of them are no longer together. Regardless, I'm watching this and its really, really sad. I see her working herself up on figments of her imagination and my husband becoming more and more angry and resentful towards his ex. How does this benefit anyone? How is this doing what is best for my precious 3 year old step-daughter? My husband wasn't even one of those dead-beat dads we all hear about or see in our own lives. He's been there since day one, been a stay-at-home dad for the past 2 years. But his ex is trying to portray him to the courts as if he were one of those dead-beat dads that we as mothers just want to take a baseball bat to.
I completely realize that my husband had a hand in breaking up their relationship...just as I had a hand in breaking up my first marriage. Like we are told time and time again, it takes 2 to make it work, and 2 to break it apart. It happens. But hopefully we can learn from it and move on to other relationships with more information. Clearer heads. A better idea of what we do and do not want from ourselves as well as a partner.
One thing I have learned regarding my own broken relationships is that dwelling on the would'ves, should'ves, could'ves, if only's, how could he, that SOB, I hope he rots in ________, fill in the blank with what ever expletive you want, is pointless. It is a complete waste of our time and utterly destructive to our inner peace and hope's of having a positive, loving relationship in the future.
As a Witch we try to live as best we can within the natural laws of nature. Our rule, or version of the 10 commandments as it were, we call our Rede: 'An it harm none, do as thou will'. This rule also applies to ourselves. Continuing in day after day of negative thinking is extremely harmful to ourselves. We know that the mental projections (thoughts) that we release into the universe, will eventually come back to us. People call this by many names: Karma, Law of Nature, Law of Attraction, Will of God are only a few. But regardless of the name you use, the premise is the same. What ever you do/say/think will come back at you at some point. I for one want to try to minimize the negative backlash as much as possible.
But as human beings, we know that we can't stop every negative thought or emotion from forming. It just isn't possible. But we can recognize when we start these negative thoughts and actively do something to calm ourselves down, regroup, and let our thoughts flow in a more positive direction. This insures that even though the negative emotion/thought started - we didn't allow it to build momentum to the point where it goes out of our control. Some people do this with deep breathing, meditation, working out, taking long walks, listening to music or yoga. Really it's anything that makes you FEEL better. And feel is the operative word here.
How we feel tells us whether we are heading into a good place or bad place. If we feel crummy, sad, depressed, angry, hurt (add in any negative emotion you want), then we need to stop the second we recognize it and do what we need to, to regroup and move into the positive. We aren't hurting the other person by fuming about them, we hurt ourselves. And at the end of the day, we have to live with ourselves - not the other person.
I hope that my husband's ex figures this out soon. I hope she realizes how detrimental all of this digging and fighting and lashing out is to herself and unfortunately to her daughter as well. She's told my husband that their daughter is having some severe separation anxieties. She thinks that this is something she can throw in my husbands face to make him feel bad. But what she doesn't see at all is that my step-daughter is having a hard time with the separations because she gets to see her father so infrequently. She doesn't realize that she is the ultimate cause of her daughter's separation anxieties. I hope that she starts seeing the truth soon. I may not like her, or ever want to be close to her - but I don't wish her ill. I don't want her to hurt. I don't want her to suffer. I want her to learn from this and move on to something more positive in her life. She can be happy in her life and not feel constant anger and resentment every time she thinks of my husband, but she is the only one who can make that happen. I hope she does.
Blessed Be!
the Witchy Writer
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