Raising Witchlings Series: Being a Pagan Bonus Mom

Published on Examiner.com / September 26, 2013 

Being a step-mom can be challenging; being a Pagan step-mom has its own unique challenges. You need to tread lightly when it comes to your partner's ex. What you say and what you expose your step-child to could potentially be used against you and your partner in regards to faith, beliefs and holidays. It is not just a case of dealing with an ex who will at times (hopefully not all the time) allow jealousy and bitterness to take full control of her actions; spewing venom in all directions and putting an unnecessary burden on the children. It can be a rarity to find a woman who is actually happy that their ex has moved on and found someone. So in the midst of the emotional tornado that must be dealt with, you must also figure out how to tread the waters of sharing your faith with your step-children.

So how do you deal with this situation? 

First, know your legal rights for the area you live. A good organization that can help you find out is the Lady Liberty League. The LLL is an international religious freedom and civil rights organization who help Pagans, Wiccan's and other nature religion practitioners with legal issues regarding their chosen faith and/or spiritual practices. Don't wait until something happens to find out about your legal rights, do it now. Some states/provinces are not as open as others and you and your partner need to know if an ex could potentially try to bring some kind of  trumped up legal action against either of you. It is unfortunate, but the safest answer to this challenge may be to keep your religion secret.

Second, once you know your legal rights sit down with your partner and discuss how you want to incorporate (or not) your step-children. You have a right to your religious and spiritual beliefs, but we also know that sharing them openly is not always a safe thing to do. Discuss how you will be able to practice your beliefs in the home when your step-children are present. Do you have children of your own who practice with you? How do you incorporate them? Can the same be done with your step-children? Or, is there a way of lessening some of the ritual aspects of your celebrations and practices when your step-children are present to make it more comfortable for everyone?

Hammering out these details in advance will make the home situation much calmer. It will also put you and your partner on the same page so if the ex tries to do or say anything you know your partner has your back. But if the ex is absolutely against her children having anything to do with your spiritual or religious practices (be prepared for this reaction) then you and your partner should come up with a plan for how that will be accomplished. It will most likely be unrealistic that the children not know what your faith is, but you and your partner can be the bigger people and work around this challenge no matter how unfair the demand.

Third, take it slow. Introduce your step-children (if you decide to) slowly. Start with celebrating the changes of the season without incorporating any religious or ritual practices. Allow your step-children to see your practices as a natural extension of nature. No cackling, green skin or warts for them to report to their mother. And if that goes well than continue to introduce a little more each holiday.

One of the more difficult aspects to contend with for any step-mother (or bonus mom) is ensuring that their partner's children feel included when they are with you. A sure fire way of making sure they do not like you is if they wind up feeling like their father went out and 'found' a new family. It shouldn't feel like an 'us and them' situation when they are visiting. You and your children are now a part of their family, and families stick together no matter how many different homes they are spread throughout.

An interesting and enlightening article to read whether you are the bonus mom or the biological mom, (especially if you are the biological mom), is '7 Reasons Not to Hate Your Child's Stepmom'. You don't need to be seen, nor should you be, as 'the competition'. You are not there to steel another mom's children from her. As a bonus mom, you are just that. A bonus. One more person who will unconditionally love these children. Who only wants the best for them. Hopefully there will be a time when the ex can let go of past hurts and mistakes, forgive for their own sake, and be happy that you and your partner are giving the children a stable and diverse home for them to grow up in. It can be done.

Published on Examiner.com / September 26, 2013

Trying to Stay in a Good Place

I love both of my children with all my heart. It doesn't matter that my daughter is not mine by blood, she is technically my 'step' daughter, but my children are 'my children'. I love them equally. They are both my family.

My husband and I got to spend the Autumnal Equinox with both of our children. My husband asked his ex for 1 extra hour so our daughter could spend more time with family (my mother-in-law celebrated with us and very rarely gets to see our daughter because she lives with her biological mother). She refused because spending this seasonal holiday with me is not a family activity in her opinion. She said that this is just "my religious event" and has nothing to do with our daughter.

I'm trying to stay in a good place, but I'm so sick and tired of her outrageous stupidity and ignorance. Her bitterness and jealousy of me is hitting all time lows and only serves to make it less likely that we'll do anything to cooperate with her on anything in the future, in addition to her hurting her own daughter by not allowing us any real quality time with her. We only get to see her every 2 weeks for a few hours each day on the weekend.

But I find that her ignorance also angers me. She has no idea what my beliefs are. My husband and I think that she probably had to Google yesterday's holiday to even know why we wanted our daughter to spend an extra hour with us. The equinox is not a religious holiday for everyone. It's a seasonal holiday, the Pagan's Thanksgiving. And being Pagan does not make one religious. If she wants to debate what my path is, she should at least become educated on it beforehand so her stupidity doesn't show through so clearly.

And - I am married to our daughter's father. I am family. My husband's ex does not have to like it, but I am family. I love our daughter and I always will. That is just the way it is. She is going to have to figure out a way to live with this fact. She has no choice but to share her biological daughter with me. And she is the one who threw my 'now husband' out of their home with nothing but a backpack and the clothes on his back. What did she honestly think would happen after doing something that extreme?

So I am trying to release the anger I've had for this selfish and ignorant excuse for a woman and mother. And all I wish to give to her...is my silence. I will not allow her to ruin my love for my new daughter, she is what matters. Both of our children are loved by my husband and me and that will never change.

Festival of Ganesha: The Birthday of the Lord Ganesha

Today marks the beginning of the Festival of Ganesha in Hindu culture. The festival, celebrating the birthday of Lord Ganesha, begins September 9 (this year) and lasts for up to 10 days. Ganesha is prayed to for wisdom, inner spiritual strength and success in all undertakings. After 10 days of dancing, feasting and revelry the Ganesha idols are carried to a body of water and submerged; symbolically seeing Ganesha off as he returns to his home taking all the worries and woes of man with him.

If you want to celebrate this time, decorate your alter in red. Swath it in red cloth and flowers. Place a statue or image of Ganesha on your alter. Add other items that hold meaning to you of success, prosperity and wisdom. Leave offerings of coconut and sweet pudding.

For the Kitchen Witches and Witchlings - you may want to try the traditional nan khatai biscuit recipe.

Ingredients

• 1/3 of a cup of plain flour
• 1/3 of a cup of semolina
• Half a cup of gram flour
• Pinch of baking soda
• 1/4 of a teaspoon of coarse cardamom powder
• Half a cup of unsalted butter
• 2/3 of a cup of sugar
• 1 tablespoon of sliced almonds
• 1 tablespoon of sliced pistachios

Cooking

1. Pre-heat your oven to 375F/190C.
2. Mix the plain flour, gram flour, semolina, baking soda and cardamom powder in a large bowl, and set aside.
3. Beat the butter (it helps if it’s warmed to room temperature first) and sugar in a small bowl, until it’s light and fluffy.
4. Add the butter and sugar to the flour mixture, and knead into a dough.
5. Divide the dough into 24 equal parts, and roll into balls, then flatten slightly with your palms.
6. With a knife, mark squares into the surface of each piece of dough by  drawing 2 horizontal lines and 2 vertical lines. Place the almonds and pistachios into each of these squares.
7. Bake the dough on a greased baking tin for 12 – 15 minutes, or until golden brown. Leave to cool, then serve.

Looking for the mythology regarding Ganesha and his festival? Here's a great article:
Short essay on ganesh chaturthi festival in India by Atul Josh

For the multi-religious/spiritual family - take some time when reading the creation/birth story of Ganesha. I began this discussion in my previous article, 'Raising Witchlings: How to Introduce your Children to the Craft'. See any similarities with Christian mythology? Being created from dust (Adam)...sacrificed and resurrected to be worshiped as a god (Jesus), or the other birth story where his brother caused his death (ummm...Cain and Abel possibly) and resurrection by his father the god Vishnu (back to Jesus). There are innumerable similarities to find. I personally prefer the much older Christian mythology that states that BOTH man and woman were created in the image of God - at the same time. Thus showing that 'God' is in fact the embodiment of both the masculine and feminine. But that's another article all together...(coming soon to blogs and message boards near you!)

I don't point this out in order to 'stick it' to Christianity. I've always been fascinated by the evolution of religions. This is just one of the many mythologies that reflects this evolution in religious stories and beliefs. We have a great opportunity for teaching our children that regardless of the path, we all have similarities. What matters most is that we find the path that speaks to our souls, that we learn that coexistence is possible (and in fact, preferable by ANY God/Goddess/Saint/Angel or any other creative power or religious/spiritual being you can name - that includes human beings and all of creation), and in the end we are all trying to answer the same questions, we are all trying to seek our own unique form of nirvana. Use this holiday as a teaching tool for yourself, your family members and your children.

May Ganesha remove all obstacles to your spiritual growth and prosperity in the year to come!

Brightest Blessings!
the Witchy Writer ☽✪☾

Raising Witchlings Series: Mabon Kitchen Witchery for Children

Posted on Examiner.com / Sept. 5 2013

With the Mabon season upon us, what better time to initiate little Witchlings into the art of Kitchen Witchery.  Fruits and vegetables are being harvested; many a Kitchen Witch is busy canning and preserving. Teaching Witchlings about the season of thanksgiving and gratitude comes easily and naturally within the garden and kitchen. The heart and hearth of our homes.

For the Kitchen Witch lucky enough to have the space for a garden, you've probably already been busy harvesting your own bounty. For those who aren't so lucky there may be friends or family that do, or a trip to a local farm or farmers market will stock your kitchens with the local harvest. Be sure to bring the Witchlings along; showing them exactly where all of our food comes from. Explaining the time and effort that each gardener and farmer takes to produce all of the items we enjoy each day. From the sweetest of apples to the juiciest of plums and berries, the wheat that is ground to make our breads and all of the vegetables we use each day.

This can be a magickal time for you and your little ones, your grandchildren, your nieces or nephews. It's a time of thanksgiving and recognizing the things that we are all most grateful for. So, to begin...

I believe there is a craft project brewing. Go to the craft or hobby store and stock up on fabric paint and blank aprons. Design your own with paint, iron on designs, gems or embroidery. Sponge paint colorful fall leaf designs or pumpkins, make hand-print turkeys with colorful feathers. The possibilities are endless. This can be the start of your Kitchen Witchlings initiation into the world of Witchy Cooking so make it as memorable as you can.

Every good Kitchen Witch needs their wand. If you are good with wood carving or burning, design a special wooden spoon for your Kitchen Witchling to use. If you aren't handy with a wood burner, you can always purchase one in advance. Woodewytch Woodburning, based in Australia, has a beautiful array of Wiccan kitchen spoons in addition to amazing hand-crafted items for decoration and alters. If time is short, you can also fashion a large wooden spoon with a decorative handle of stones, crystals or beads glued around the end. So once the aprons and wands are ready to go, the Cooking Witchery can commence.

Planning the magick. Have a specific recipe in mind and make sure you'll have enough time to be relaxed and take your time. This is so much more than just a kitchen.  For the Kitchen Witch the stove is an alter and the room a ritual space. Every creation made for friends and loved ones a magickal act. So prepare your space as you would for any other ritual.

And the ritual begins. As you prepare your ingredients, explain what each herb and spice is for. Its mundane and magickal use. What each fruit, vegetable and grain represent. Stir and mix your creation in a clockwise or deosil direction, concentrating on your intention for this recipe. Maybe you have special chants you wish to share. If your Witchlings have a Book of Shadows or journal, have them record the recipe and magickal instructions. If they are still too young, maybe you will choose to start it for them and they can take over the writings once they are older. If this time becomes a regular family tradition they will have completed magickal cookbooks by the time they are ready to leave home; ready to pass on to the next generation.

Enjoy the fruits of your labor. Have your Witchlings pay close attention to their feelings as they eat as well as the reactions and conversations of any others sharing the meal. Have them write any observations they make in their BOS or journals.

Even if we cannot commit to instructing our Witchlings for each meal (most of us having to live in the ever hectic hustle and bustle of everyday life), try to do this once a week or even once a month. It may take some extra time at first, but very soon you'll have a confident Kitchen Witchling. And I don't know of many who would scoff at having an extra pair of hands in the kitchen.

As summer falls behind us, the days becoming shorter and shorter, we watch the colors change and look back at all we've accomplished over the past year and all we still wish to complete before the winter months blow in. The mistakes we've made are hopefully lessons learned, the successes cherished. We enter this season with reflection and gratitude. Did we truly connect with the ones we love, did we stand strong through our individual challenges, did we learn, did we teach? Start the season with your eyes wide open to all of the magick and joy there is to be had and shared. If you have been struggling with a way to open up your world to those you love, use your gifts of Kitchen Witchery to introduce your Witchlings into your world. May the blessings of the season bring each and every one of you love, joy and many warm memories.

Posted on Examiner.com / Sept. 5, 2013

Gratitude and the Season of Mabon

Magic is in the Air

Yesterday I completed our harvest wreath. I added the flowers that my husband had given me the other day. 

They were withered, but I wanted to include them. The flower bloom at the bottom no longer had its stem, so I pushed it in-between the surrounding stems. 

This morning we found that the flower had re-bloomed as if it were just picked )0(

I've been reflecting on all of the things that have happened over the past year; all of the challenges I've had to face. It's amazing what we are all capable of surviving. I say this because I've had to recreate myself in a matter of speaking. I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition and have been on disability for almost 2 years now. I used to be able to work full-time, I used to be a dancer; performing professionally. Many things have changed in my life and it's been difficult at times to not live in the past. But during this time I have been able to seek income assistance, I met and married my husband, I moved from Arizona to Ontario, Canada, I continue to care for my son and now a step-daughter. I have my faith and I've been able to concentrate on writing; something I've been wanting to do for years. I've always wanted to move from Arizona, to be close to water...and now I am. I have a husband who adores me and cares for me on my bad days. We don't have a lot, but I cherish everything we do have.

And now, I've been blessed with a community who have opened their arms to me. Sharing my writing and giving great feedback. Mostly good, but even the not so positive comments have made me think about what I've written and how I'd like to present my thoughts and experiences in future writings. So I suppose I'll be grateful for them too.

In the beginning, I was only going to have a little blog that I would use to post my thoughts on, but now that I've been able to really put my time and energy into interacting with so many communities, seeing all of the questions, issues and advice everyone is requesting, well - I'm hoping that my 2 decades of experience in the Craft will help me give some answers and advice to those who want it. I'm also hoping to learn a lot from everyone as well. I began my journey on this path when I was 15 years old. I've studied a lot, practiced as a solitary as well as in a coven. I've met with teaching coven's and attending rituals with a number of other coven groups. I'm a High Priestess and ordained minister, but I know that my education is far from over.

My son is 6, my step-daughter 3. I'm experiencing what it is like to be a Wiccan parent and trying to find my way through passing on my knowledge and spiritual path to my kids. I've connected with many Wiccan and Pagan parenting pages - this has led me to create my 'Raising Witchlings' series. I'm hoping to teach, but also to learn from all of my readers.

The journey to where I am now has certainly been bumpy; but I wouldn't have gotten here in any other way. Even with my health issues, I am grateful for what I have and how far I've come. I'm blessed to have the life I do. I hope all of you can see the many blessings you each have in your lives.

Brightest Blessings this Mabon season!
the Witchy Writer ☽✪☾

Raising Witchlings Series: Children and Meditation

Posted on Examiner.com / Sept. 1, 2013

Of all the tips and techniques available to help children learn to meditate, there is one that stands out the most. In order to teach your children meditation they must learn by example. You, as the parent, should have a meditation practice in place; one that your children see you practice regularly. Not only will it show them the basics of meditation but it will also give you a calmer perspective in raising and teaching your children.

The Dalai Lama is quoted, "If every 8 year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation." This is a gift to ourselves as well as our children that we cannot afford not to give. Meditation gives a child self-empowerment, the ability to feel safe and a better sense and understanding of their own needs and emotions. Their physical and mental health are increased by this practice. This is especially helpful for children with hyper-activity disorders like ADHD. Giving a child the ability and knowledge that they are in fact in control of their emotions and feelings can and does change their entire world.

You do not have to prescribe to any specific religion or spiritual path to meditate; it is open and available for everyone. As adults, many have found the benefits of meditation later in life and want to pass this gift onto their children. The age of your child will dictate the technique and time frame for each meditation session. Some feel that Yoga Nidra is one of the best forms of meditation for children as it allows for a very deep relaxation. This can be done in the evening before bedtime or at any point during the day. Especially if your child has experienced something and they need to find a way to calm down and relax. Techniques will very, but there are some basics that parents should follow.

• Have your child relax into a comfortable position. For Yoga Nidra, the best position is in Shavasana (corpse pose). Have your child lay on their back; head, shoulders and spine in alignment; palms facing up and legs straight, feet slightly apart.
• Guide your child in an awareness of their body. In the beginning this may not be very natural for your child. Have them tense each body part one at a time, hold, then release it and relax. This will begin to teach them how to move their awareness through their body. In time you can guide them to simply feel the vibrations or energy flowing in each part of their body.
• Guide your child in an awareness of their breath. Have them take 3 slow deep breaths to further their relaxation. Ask them to be aware of each breath as they take them, breathing in slowly and then out.
• Reassure your child that they are safe and protected. Possible suggestions for this would be to have them encounter a guardian (animal, angel, person), who will always be with them. Have the guardian give them a cloak of protection that they will wear during the meditation.
• Have your child release any worries or fears they may be holding onto. Have your child's guardian walk them first to the 'Worry Tree'. This is an ancient tree whose job it is to collect all the worries and fears so your child can release them. Have your child see each worry/fear as a ribbon, tell them to pin or tie each ribbon to the tree. Then have their guardian walk them away from the tree, thus releasing the worries and fears.

Once your child is relaxed and receptive the door is wide open on what type of meditation to proceed with. This is a time to explore various methods and find what works best for each child. In the beginning it is best to use guided meditations. Walk your child through a short story or adventure. Leave the ending of the meditation open for them to finish the exploration or story for themselves allowing them to drift off to sleep. Or you can walk them through the story in its entirety and then gently call them back into the awareness of their bodies and into wakefulness.

As your child progresses they can begin silent meditations or listening to soft background music. Invite them to join your silent meditations; using this time to bond with them. Create a sign that your child can hang on their doorknob of their bedrooms with something like, 'Please be quiet, meditation in progress', thus allowing them to request their own private quiet time. For those of us practicing Wicca, have your child keep their Book of Shadows (BOS) or a journal handy to record any experiences they have. This is a great opportunity to have your child record their own progress; something they can look back on in years to come and pass on to their children. Building this experience into a family tradition will strengthen the bond of love and open communication for everyone.

Don't feel discouraged in the beginning. There are so many techniques available and practice will bring rewards. You can use the many examples of meditation scripts available online or in books, or you can write your own. You know best what your child likes and responds to. Use your intuition to guide you on this path. What landscapes, colors, activities, animals and play does your child prefer? Find a script you like and rewrite it, replacing the places and interactions with those your child will openly respond to. There is no right or wrong way to put together a meditation. The goal is to find a way of teaching your child to relax, calm themselves and fully connect with themselves in their own unique and intimate way.

Children can be taught empathy and compassion for the world through meditation. Have your child experience what it is like to soar in the sky with the birds, sway in the breeze with the trees, discover life in an ant colony. Connecting with nature and Mother Earth are great ways of teaching our children about our interconnectedness and why it is our sacred job to care for Her. Below are listed various sites that give good examples of scripts and meditations for children of all ages as well as additional information for the parents on how to get started. See this as an opportunity to open up a whole new world to your children, they will be grateful to you that you did.

Here are some site suggestions with meditations and information to help you get started:
http://www.sarahwood.com/Meditations.htm
http://www.freemeditation.com/online-meditation/
http://www.teachchildrenmeditation.com/
http://meditation.org.au/index.asp?mobilecheck=true
http://yoganidrafree.com/children.html
http://www.relaxkids.com/tips/entry/Meditation_and_relaxation_for_children_with_ADHD_/597

Posted on Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/article/raising-witchlings-children-and-meditation